Don't Use Voodoo
by CaptainCrater
Summary: Finn tries to cast a spell at Puck intended to shrink the size of his penis. The boy is not very bright, however, and the spell ricochets around the hall and hits Quinn. Unfortunately, the spell was mispronounced and instead of shrinking, it causes Quinn to grow a sizable g!p. Mortified, she flees the hallway and locks herself in the locker room. Rachel follows.
1. Prologue - Oh God

**A/N**: **WARNINGS** = g!p/ gkm prompt. This isn't my first fic, but it's the first time I've published in almost a year and a half, so hopefully these next few prompt fills will get me back in the spirit of writing. I do not own Glee... Yadda yadda. **PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD CONTINUE**.

**PROMPT**: "Unestablished relationship. One of the boys, maybe Finn, casts a spell at another (like Puck) intended to shrink the size of their penis. The boy is not very bright, however, and the spell ricochets around the hall and hits Quinn. Also, the spell was mispronounced and instead of shrinking, the spell causes Quinn to grow a sizable g!p. Mortified, she flees the hallway and locks herself in the locker room. Santana or Rachel follows her to calm her down. When they investigate the issue in the library, they find the only solution is multiple orgasms. Quinn begins solo, but the other girl is so turned on they have to help her. When the spell finally reverses, both girls are exhausted and pass out cold."

* * *

"Hello?" Finn hesitantly asked, hitting the door chimes on his way into the shop. It was small and cluttered with red walls and strange bottles on shelves, and there were glass cases around him too - filled with weapons and jewelry... Finn thought he saw someone towards the back room, but lost focus after noticing the dead rabbit hanging off the wall.

"Yes, yes, come in!" A small elderly woman no younger than seventy walked towards the boy, cane in hand. "How can we help you today?"

Finn scratched his head. "Yeah is this the sh-sheng.. the place for Japanese pranks?"

The woman stared at him incredulously. "Shanghai Shop. We are Chinese. What can I do for you today?"

"Sorry," Finn rubbed the back of his neck and continued. "I'm not really good with speaking Korean. Anyway, my friend pulled a prank on me and I wanted to get him back. Could you help?"

"Ah, well you've come to the... right... place. What kind of revenge were you looking for?"

"Something bad," He mused, scratching his chin. "I want something that will embarrass him like, a lot."

She cracked her knuckles. "How embarrassed?"

"He pantsed me in front of our football team, so, like... pretty bad."

The woman grinned. "Okay, I have something for you, follow me!" She quickly hobbled towards the glass case near the back room. "Hurry, hurry!"

Sliding the glass with care, she took out a decorated scroll and bookmark, holding them out to him. The scroll was neatly rolled and tied with a green jade closings, while the bookmark was red with gold printed flowers and symbols on it. "Here, this is twenty-nine, ninety-five. It will do the trick."

Finn frowned, taking them from her hands. "But these are just really fancy pieces of Taiwanese paper." He tossed the scroll in his hands a few times. "How will it embarrass Pu-, I mean, my friend?"

She walked from behind the glass case display and hit him in the leg with her cane. "Chinese! And it's not what holds the form, but what the form holds within." She finished with a smile.

"Um... what?"

She sighed, "You read the scroll, then it work. Make sure whoever you want to prank has the bookmark in their possession."

Finn cocked his head to the side. "What does it do? Are you sure it will embarrass them?"

The woman shook her head. "Our revenge scrolls vary on each person. This one has a particular effect on a certain part of the body, but you can never be sure exactly how it will strike. It will embarrass very bad. So, you want to buy?"

He looked down at the items in his hands. "Alright," Finn sighed. "I hope this Vietnamese stuff works."

"_Chinese_!"

* * *

"Better run, Puckerman!"

Finn was in the middle of the hallway, looking down at a translation of the scroll, thanks to Mike. Puck stopped at the end of the hall, giving a half chuckle as he tried to regain his breath.

"What's wrong Hudson? Puckasaurus too fast for you?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

The taller boy just smirked and started to read what Mike had written down, hoping it'd work.

"Fennu de huli..."

Puck cocked his head to the side. "Bro, what are you doing?"

"sh-sh...oh. Jiaohua de xiong...?"

On the opposite end of the hall, Tina picked up her head. "Finn?!" she called out weakly. But he continued to read the scroll.

"Gaibian tamen de yingjing, Chusheng..." he read aloud as best he could, voice wavering. Puck just laughed loudly, turning around to say 'whatever man', but before he could get it out, he saw Tina running toward Finn.

"Finn!" she yelled, clenching her fists and sprinting towards the boy. "Don't read that last-!"

"...huo yuan jia long! Oof!" Tina tackled him from the side, knocking him to the ground.

Puck doubled over in laughter, hands on his knees. "Oh! Sacked by girl Chang!" He cackled again before going to help them up. "Nice one, Lucy Liu. What was that fo-"

Tina cut him off abruptly with a hand in his face. "Stop speaking, Puck. Do you have a red and gold bookmark?"

Finn's eyes widened. "How did you kno-"

She cut him off too. "Not now, Finn. Puck, do you have it?"

"That frilly thing for books?" Puck answered, chuckling quietly. "Nah." He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. "Gave it to Quinn."

Tina and Finn paled, turning in the direction of Quinn's locker, only to see her clutching her stomach and heading towards her next class.

Shaking her head, Tina sighed, glancing at a the two confused (and slightly scared) boys.

"You two are _so_ fucked."


	2. Chapter 1 - Call 911

**A/N**: Oh my god, you guys are awesome! I'd forgotten what it felt like to get follows and reviews... It's honestly so rewarding and it keeps me writing, so thank you so much. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

I do not own Glee. Thank god.

* * *

It's not like Rachel could just _ignore_ it.

It was 'AP US History', a class that just so happened to fall directly before lunch, and Quinn Fabray (her project partner and fellow desk sharer) was not only pale but had also been seen shaking for the past forty minutes. There was a thin layer of sweat on the blonde's forehead and her arms were securely wrapped across her stomach. Not that she'd been watching or anything.

Rachel figured it was abdominal cramps.

Twirling her pencil once more, she tried to tune back in to Mrs. Hagberg's lecture. "...And that brings us to the second great point of foreign policy in the 1930s, the Good Neighbor Policy..."

Rachel's attention was diverted once more with a groan from the girl beside her. Glancing in her direction, she noticed Quinn's hands in a white-knuckled grip - her dress and cardigan were wrinkling underneath her fingers and she could tell that the blonde was in an extreme amount of pain. Rachel decided to take care of her fellow glee clubber once and for all. Turning a page of her notebook, she scribbled a message and cautiously slid it in front of Quinn, making sure her attention was still "focused" on Mrs. Hagberg.

While Quinn was reading, their history teacher continued, facing the chalkboard to write more notes.

"...Now this foreign policy reinforced the idea that the US would be a "good neighbor" and engage in reciprocal exchanges..."

Thank Barbara there were only ten minutes of the class left.

_Are you alright? Do you need assistance? I have an all purpose medical kit in my bag and would gladly assist you with any issues you might be having at this moment. Or any moment for that matter, considering you are in fact my fellow glee clubber and AP US History partner, to which I would most likely help out of all our fellow classmates although most of them would probably decline my generous offer of friendship and caring. It would be horrible for you to get sick and have it affect our partnership in glee and mutual classes. Oh, not to mention I have saltines. Also grapes._

The blonde beside her scoffed and picked up a pen to quickly write out a response, shoving the notebook in her direction after she was finished.

_Does it look like I'm alright, Rachel?!_

She tried to reply to Quinn's message but there was another groan beside her. Turning her head in concern she witnessed Quinn quickly stuffing her purse with her books, only to bolt from her chair and out of the room. Following suit, the brunette put away her supplies and was halfway out the door before she was interrupted by Mrs. Hagberg, who'd apparently turned around again.

"Miss Berry?" the woman asked.

Rachel turned and immediately put on her show face, still inching out the door. "Yes Mrs. Hagberg?"

"Please sit back down. I don't get paid enough to trapeze around for my students. You can't leave until I say so."

And with a mega-watt smile, Rachel Berry tightened the grip on her bag and flicked a daring glance back at her class. "_Well_ Mrs. Hagberg... I'd like to see you stop me."

And with that she took off, chasing after Quinn Fabray.

* * *

Quinn ran in from the hallway and locked the door to the girls locker room, stumbling towards the benches and breathing heavily.

This hurt like a bitch.

She felt like she was having cramps, but that was impossible... her period wasn't due for another week. Lying on the bench in the fetal position, she heard the lunch bell ring and someone tugging on the locker room entrance. The banging continued but she couldn't care less, instead deciding that she should just take a hot shower and maybe that would clear up her cramps from hell.

"Sucks to suck" Quinn muttered, as she slowly made her way to the showers, making sure to stop by her cheerios locker for a towel.

She started the shower and carefully peeled off her clothes, setting them in a neat pile. Finally deciding it was warm enough to enter, she let the water wash over her, running her fingers through her hair, calmly relaxing against the wa-

"_Bitch_!" Quinn screamed out, cradling the bottom of her stomach. She fell to her knees and quickly sat down to lean against the shower wall, feeling a searing pain in her vagina.

She winced and started shaking. "Ow, ow, ouch! Fu- _ouch_!" she cried, throwing her head back out of the spray of warm water. She couldn't focus on anything else but the pain, and there were a few tears running down her face as she sat in agony.

Unfortunately, she also didn't hear the gym/locker entrance opening.

But as suddenly as the intense pain had come, it just as quickly vanished. Breathing in short pants, Quinn squeezed her eyes and removed a hand from her stomach to wipe her face. She stood on shaky legs, grasping the wall for support, and decided to look down.

"What the _fuck_?!"

There was blood. Everywhere.

Well not everywhere but on her legs. Specifically her vagina. Erm, well, her not-so-vagina-vagina. Her very large, might-as-well-call-it-a-penis-vagina. How it got there, she had no clue, but one minute she was birthing Shamu and the next she had a five dollar footlong.

She rinsed the blood off as quickly as possible by cupping water in her hands and splashing it on her limp... _dick_. She prayed that she wouldn't continue bleeding. How she would survive the rest of the day with th-

"Quinn? Are you oka-OH MY BARBARA PATTI."

Quinn screamed and went to cover herself, unsure of where to protect most.

"Rachel!? How the hell did you get in here?" she shouted, quickly making a move to shut off the water and hide against the wall. "And who said it was okay to walk in on someone showering?!"

The girl before her averted her eyes. "I-I'm sorry Quinn, it's just that you ran out during our AP US History class, so I decided to follow you, f-for safety reasons of course, we can't have any of our glee clubbers being affected by physical distress - especially if it could do any damage to your vocal cor-"

"_Rachel_." Quinn said abruptly.

"Yes Quinn?"

"I'm naked. _Please_ hand me my towel."

Rachel blushed furiously. "Oh. Y-yes. Of course."

As Rachel turned to bend down for the towel, the blonde turned away from the wall and stopped dead in her tracks. Quinn felt her new penis slowly rise, her erection apparent over her view of Rachel's ass in that insanely short skirt. And her long legs, her tan, muscular, sexy legs that she'd like to spread open and...

"Dammit." she muttered, quickly facing the wall once she saw Rachel stand back up.

"Quinn? Did you say something?"

"No. Just hand me my towel, Berry." She spat out, a blush creeping up her neck.

While Quinn dried off, Rachel began humming quietly, trying to look anywhere but the naked girl in front of her.

"If you keep humming, so help me god, I will make sure no one ever finds your body." Quinn moved to gather her clothes, heading towards an empty stall.

Rachel huffed, following her. "You could stand to be a little nicer, Quinn. You still haven't told me if you're alright."

She ignored her. "You still haven't told me how you got in here. I locked the door myself."

"Did the head cheerleader AP genius forget there are multiple entrances to the locker room?" Rachel teasingly asked.

She scoffed. She had forgotten; but she'd also reasoned no one would be trying to get into the girl's locker room during lunch. "Did Rachel Berry forget that my threat extends to you just breathing?"

Rachel frowned. "That was mean."

"...I didn't mean it."

"That's why it hurts."

The blonde opened the stall door to find Rachel defensively wrapping her arms around her stomach. She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Look Berry, I'm so-"

Rachel refused to make eye contact. "It's quite alright, Quinn."

She sighed again, stepping forward to cautiously place a hand on her shoulder."No, Rachel. It's not. I'm sorry."

"I know."

Wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath, Rachel smiled. "I can help you with that, you know."

Quinn was confused.

"With what?"

There was a smirk.

"With that tent in your dress."


	3. Chapter 2 - I'm Drowning

**A/N**: Sorry ladies and gents, when life fucks you, it fucks you hard. Aside from my personal shit that no one really enjoys reading in the A/Ns, the reactions to my first chapter and prologue really spurred me on, but I was honestly stuck in a fork because of the way I ended chapter one. In the end, I decided to go with my original path/idea so I hope you guys enjoy it! PS - if any of you have published on FF just know that transferring work from google drive/word docs are a pain in the ass for formatting. The struggle is real, so if anyone has found a way for my work not to turn into a visual train wreck, please message me.

Your reviews, comments, and criticisms are literally the gas to this hot mess, so please feel free to let me know how you felt about it!

I don't fucking own Glee, jfc

* * *

"_What_?!"

Quinn shouted, taking a step back and quickly covering her new appendage..

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Quinn, although your lengths to pull pranks on me is impressive, I was merely-..."

"Berry, I've already told Santana I'm not really into-..."

"and also suggesting a possibility of therapy-..."

"and Brittany won't take no for an answer-..."

"so all in all, it was just a response to your impending joke." Rachel finished lamely.

"I'm a _girl_, I can't have a freaking _cock_!" Quinn cried out.

The brunette's eyes widened in surprise. "I will have you know, Quinn Fabray, that the dehumanization of transpersons and their 'natural' genitalia for a mere prank is not only despicable but deplorable! Not only can a girl have a "cock" as you so eloquently put it, but there is also no "requirement" as far as genitalia and gender identity goes! Quinn Fabray, using props of this nature to play a joke on me is by far the wor-"

"Berry, _shut up_!" Quinn cut her off, rubbing a hand over her face and letting out a puff of air.

Rachel's mouth snapped shut as she defensively crossed her arms.

"Look," Quinn sighed defeatedly. "I'm sorry. I know this is all really strange, and I just admitted I have a... _penis_. But I swear I'm not playing a joke on you. And I'm sorry for offending trans persons . I didn't-"

Rachel couldn't help but scoff. "So you're saying you just so happened to conveniently _grow _a penis in the span of forty-five minutes?"

"Yes Rachel, that's _exactly _what I'm saying!" The blonde shouted and threw her hands in the air, turning to slam shut a nearby locker. Taking a seat and covering her face with her hands, Quinn tried to hold back the tears forming, muttering to herself as she did so.

_"I just don't understand what I did to deserve punishment this time._"

Rachel watched with rapt attention, trying to process this new information. Quinn sat in front of the brunette with perfect posture aside from her slightly bowed head; she had clasped her fingers together over her lap and was staring at them intently. A few strands of blonde hair fell in front of her face, and besides the obvious tent in her dress, the girl before her was the spitting image of the same Quinn Rachel had witnessed breakdown in sophomore year.

The same girl Rachel knew she'd do anything for.

Straightening her shoulders, she took in a deep breath. "I believe you."

Quinn looked up in surprise. "You do?"

"Of course." Rachel nodded. "Besides, it would explain your symptoms in AP History, and I'm sure you didn't mean to offend the trans community... but first thing's first: Research."

"What?" Quinn asked, wiping a stray tear.

"Research." Rachel answered simply.

"Yes, I _heard _you, but what do you mean?" Quinn asked, arching an eyebrow. Even on the verge of breaking down, she looked fearsome.

Placing her hands on her hips, Rachel explained. "Well Quinn, I highly suggest we treat this like any other history project. We obviously know nothing about your... _subject_, but we've always found that working together is extremely beneficial and significant in our ability to achieve impeccable grades. This particular situation is delicate, though I see no reason to alienate or disregard our previous methods of problem solving!"she finished with a proud nod.

"Let me get this straight," Quinn began, squinting at Rachel in disbelief. "You want to willingly help me get rid of this..._thing_, by labeling it as one of our history projects? With no intentions of blackmail? Nothing in return?"

Rachel crossed her arms and nodded soundly. "Well?"

The blonde ran another hand through her short and hair and sighed.

"Okay, Berry. Research."

* * *

Their research was going nowhere.

"Quinn!" Rachel huffed, "If I can't get an accurate detailed recount of your experience, how in the name of Barbara are we supposed to continue?"

The blonde in question tightened her grip on the cardigan covering her lap. They were still in the girl's locker room and had opted to skip lunch _and _their fifth period class, agreeing that the problem at hand should be fixed as soon as possible. Sitting on the nearby benches, the blonde had retold her painful experience with a red face. Their only problem was, Quinn and Rachel disagreed on how to move forward with the "project".

"I already told you what happened, and now you're asking to inspect my third arm like it's some set of sheet music!" Quinn fired back quickly, scooting down the bench away from Rachel.

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" Rachel rolled her eyes and made a point of closing the extra distance between the blonde and herself. "And stop giving your new appendage strange names! It can't _really _be a foot long, Quinn."

The blonde huffed in response. "It might as well be. Even after calming down and losing my _erection_, or whatever, this _thing_ just hangs there! It just flops around! Berry you have _no _idea how this feels!"

"Well maybe I would understand a bit more if you just _showed-_" Rachel began, reaching for the blonde's dress.

Quinn moved faster than Rachel had ever seen in her life, sprinting to the opposite side of the room to hide. "What are you, crazy?!" she yelled at the brunette. "You don't even have anything to measure it with!"

Humming in thought, the brunette made her way towards Quinn's cheerios locker.

"Uh, hello?" Quinn called out.

Choosing not to respond, Rachel tried a combination and tugged the lock twice before pressing her ear against it to try again. Hearing the sound, Quinn's curiosity got the best of her as she began cautiously walking back towards the girl she'd sprinted from. Upon sight, Quinn's eyes widened.

"A-ha!" Rachel exclaimed, successfully opening the blonde's locker.

Quinn's mouth hung open. "Did you just James Bond my locker?"

"Well Quinn," Rachel began, choosing not to look at the taller girl in favor of searching for her unknown item. "If you happen to be referring to the fact that I successfully opened your locker without prior knowledge of your combination number, then yes." She grinned and pulled out the blonde's iPhone.

"Yes, I did."

Quinn's eyes narrowed instinctively. "Berry, what are you doing with my phone?"

"Oh, just gathering some _evidence_." Rachel teased, slowly walking towards the blonde with a devilish grin on her face. With each step forward, Quinn took another back, inching towards the far corners of the room.

Rachel stopped to roll her eyes. "Quinn, will you _please _stop moving?"

Quinn's heart rate picked up as she felt her back hit the walls behind her, nearly falling on her ass trying to veer left into the last shower stall. She didn't bother trying to close the curtain, instead she held her cardigan tightly against her lap as Rachel stood in front of her, the grin replaced with a slight frown. Realizing she had nowhere else to go, the blonde sighed in defeat.

"Fine."

Rachel cocked her head to the side. "You don't have to be afraid, Quinn. I won't take a long time to-"

"Just take the damn picture and leave, Berry." Quinn spat out, squeezing her eyes shut and bowing her head.

The brunette gasped and took a step back. Hearing the sound, Quinn's head snapped up to meet the shocked and confused expression plastered on Rachel's face.

"Do you honestly think I'd...?" Rachel trailed off incredulously, her mouth agape.

"Why wouldn't you?" Quinn scoffed. "You deserve your revenge more than anyone else in this school. I understand now, just... make it quick."

Quinn shut her eyes again and slowly moved her hands to her sides, clenching them into fists. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest, beating faster and faster at the anticipation of a picture that could shatter her social status. Cursing herself for never putting a lock code on her iphone, the blonde realized Rachel would finally get the revenge she deserved. She thought about all the slushies, the crude drawings on the bathroom stalls, the dumpster tosses... Quinn believed God was finally punishing her; no matter how much it hurt, she was meant to endure it. Wondering when the humiliation would finally hit, she chanced a peek at the brunette.

Rachel's mouth was still open with her eyebrows knitted in disbelief.

"I can't _believe _you." she whispered.

Lowering her gaze, Rachel looked at the phone in her hands. She wordlessly handed it, face down to Quinn, the hurt still evident in her face.

"Talk to me when you realize what you've just accused me of."

Shaking her head, the brunette turned, slowly making her way towards the exit. She stopped halfway, softly calling over her shoulder.

"And that I would _never _do it."

Quinn, clutching the phone in her hand, slumped to the floor and cried.

* * *

She had lost track of time.

Even with a phone in her hands and cardigan in her lap, Quinn had felt cold and isolated. An infinite amount of remorse and guilt washed over her in waves, rendering her immobile. Shortly after hearing the brunette walk away, she'd heard the bell for sixth period ring out, along with the opening and closing of the locker room doors. Rachel was gone, leaving the blonde alone with her thoughts.

"_What else was I supposed to think?_"

Tired of wracking her brain for reasons Rachel would specifically take her phone from her locker, Quinn tried to make a mental list of the materials she would need to bring home today.

"_First period was AP Calc, I have my textbook at home already... second was Spanish, I did the homework in class with Rachel... third was AP Physics, again with Rachel, we were measuring everyday household items and-_

oh_ shit._"

Quinn closed her eyes as she recalled the memory of AP Physics, watching her teacher explain 'simple harmonic motion' to them with his own iPhone and charging cord. Telling the class they should try to replicate his demonstration, he'd also written the length of his iPhone on the board.

"_You don't even have anything to measure it with!_"

Quinn slapped her hand against her forehead. Rachel had been using the blonde's phone as a measuring device! "_Come to think of it_," the blonde mused, looking down and turning the phone in her hands. "_My phone wasn't even turned on._"

She sighed. Feeling incredibly stupid and guilty, she began to stand but quickly crouched when she heard the locker room doors opening. She hit the back of her head softly against the wall and felt her heart sink for forgetting to lock the door after Rachel left.

"Quinn?"

Widening her eyes, the blonde peeked around the shower stall while still crouching. "Rachel?"

The tiny girl was in the middle of the room, where the locker room ended and the shower room began, carrying her backpack and a plastic bag.

"I know we didn't have time to eat..." she trailed off, holding up the plastic bag.

Quinn shook her head and stood quickly, wordlessly making her way to stand in front of the brunette.

"Rachel, I'm so sor-"

"Quinn, I wanted to apolog-"

They both began to speak and laughed awkwardly when they stopped, silently waiting for the other to go first. When nothing had been said for another minute, they both began again.

"No really Quinn, I feel ter-"

"Rachel, I was so stup-"

Chuckling again, Quinn held up both her hands, waiting for the pause in conversation. She slowly let down her arms and crossed them in front of her lap - a solemn expression taking control of her features.

"Rachel," she began.

The brunette shook her head. "Quinn, you really don't have to apologize, I know-"

But Quinn closed her eyes and cut her off. "No Rachel, please. I'm so sorry, I owe you such a huge apology and I-"

"I forgive you."

The blonde's eyes snapped to meet Rachel's. "What?"

She shrugged. "I said I forgive you, Quinn."

After Quinn's short silence, the brunette explained further, "Don't you understand Quinn? I don't hold grudges. It's not only aging but also wrinkle inducing, not to mention excess stress can affect my voice for the worse."

Quinn chuckled but let her continue. "I never hated you for your wrong actions, Quinn, and I'm not going to start. Frankly, while pondering it further, I realized you magically grew a _penis_ in the span of AP US History. I've been insensitive towards this whole situation, so I apologize as well."

The blonde smoothed out her dress, thankful the sadness from earlier seemed to drain her erection from hell. "Rachel, thank you so much, but you really don't have to apologize, I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions."

Rachel smiled and nodded, a small dimple showing on the corner of her smile.

"Berry, do you think we can try this project again?" Quinn asked, biting her lip slightly.

The brunette immediately stopped smiling, choosing to replace it with a serious mask. "Do you trust me, Quinn?"

She bit her lip harder than before, watching Rachel's face crumple into a pout.

"Yes."

Rachel beamed.

"That's all I needed to hear."


End file.
